It's not quite the end of today but I'm getting there. Not being at work is incredibly "freeing" and, either in spite of or because of, it also distorts my perceptions to a very large degree. I suddenly have to think about what I am doing and take an active position in my day. Suddenly it is no longer the repeated motions of a day-work, spending money, and always trying to get to the next part so I will be closer to the end of the day. Ironically, it would seem my day of un-working led me to the same conclusion. It all comes down to the constant re-evaluation of where I stand. It is, at times, incredibly tiring both physically and emotionally, but I'm a true believer in making that effort to not fall into comfortability.
There is one kind of comfortability I would, however, like to attain and it goes a little bit like this-
It is strange to me that I so often find myself for prolonged moments feeling like I'm walking around in some strangers body. I can be doing anything-for instance, locking my bike up outside of Bean There Coffee, and suddenly my movements feel incredibly disoriented as though I am trying to function in a body that is not my size and I become hyperaware to every single awkward movement I am making. I instantly would give anything to be in my own room, my own space, and preferably under the covers in my own bed (in the dark). It is one of the truest experiences of being uncomfortable. The paradox of feeling like you are never noticed and yet completely watched.
No comments:
Post a Comment